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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
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I'm proud of us.
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Raising money for the Seaford club for
boys shows that we have maturity.
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- And we are classy.
- Yeah.
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- How much we got in the fart jar?
- Yeah!
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We made a lot of money by making people
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put a dollar in the jar
every time they ripped one.
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Wait, what?
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I've been paying a
dollar to fart in the jar.
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(Wind hissing)
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- Ah!
- Oh, my eyes are burning!
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Guys?
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I've got big news.
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Your mother started dressing you again?
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Yes.
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And I'm buying a boat!
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Boom!
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Picture us out on the boat going
over the waves, up and down,
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up and down, up and down, up and...
(Vomits)
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Why did you take me
out on such a windy day?
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All I need is another
1,000 bucks and it's mine!
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Guys, I just counted it. We have $1,100.
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Ooh, thank you.
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Hey!
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We promised that money to
the Seaford club for boys.
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It's an after-school
hang-out for troubled kids.
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Yeah, we're buying them all-new
furniture for their rec room.
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- They don't have any.
- You guys need $1,000 for furniture?
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For $100, I can get you
some beautiful stuff.
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My cousin owns the largest hakmakistan
furniture store in all of California.
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Wait, your cousin is furniture Frank?
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Oh, I love his commercials!
That guy's crazy.
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People tell me that my prices
are so low that I'm crazy!
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But if I was crazy, would I do this?!
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Ahhhh!
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I'm eating my beard!
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Ahhhh!
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Eating his beard like that
helps him sell furniture?
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No, he's actually crazy.
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Well, this is perfect.
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The delinquents get their
furniture and I get my boat.
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(Whistling)
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- Uh, Joan, that's a $100 bill.
- Yeah, do you need change for that?
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No.
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Just did some crop Dustin'.
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What's crop dust...
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All: Oh! Oh my!
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Oh!
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Don't you get all tough with me
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I'm saying, won't you
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go kick it with me?
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And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
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-
that's just how we do
-
Come on
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and no matter how
much I chop and punch
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it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you
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here we go, let's start the party
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chop it up like it's karate
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everybody
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won't you
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come kick it with me?
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And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
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-
that's just how we do
-
Come on
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and no matter how
much I chop and punch
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it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you.
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I was this close to landing in a
club for delinquent boys myself.
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Really? What'd you do?
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I walked my dog and I
didn't pick up after him.
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I felt so guilty I went back the
next day, but it was too late.
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There was already a footprint in it.
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And it was the footprint of a baby!
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Guys, it was an honor to
donate this furniture.
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We would have come last
Tuesday when it was delivered,
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but we were on a boat tubin'.
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For charity.
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Uh, see, there's this group called, uh...
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Tubing for tots.
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Yeah, we tube for tots that
can't tube for themselves.
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Uh, I'd like to say a few words.
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Although this is a club for delinquent
boys, let our selfless generosity
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be a beacon of light in your empty lives.
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Dude, our lives aren't empty.
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See, already making a difference.
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Buh-bye.
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Oh!
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Dude, look what you did to
our beautiful chair, man.
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You broke it!
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That thing cost us,
like, 20... hundred bucks.
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I didn't do anything, man.
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This thing's got termites
crawling out of it.
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Oh, boo-hoo.
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One chair out of all the
furniture we gave you has termites.
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Oh!
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Oh, boo-hoo, every single piece of
furniture we gave you has termites.
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Guys, we have got to hurry. Let's
get this furniture out of here
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before the termites spread
to the rest of the house.
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Oh, relax, that's never
going to happen, Jack.
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Out of my way! Senseis
and boat owners first!
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Rudy, dude, we got the estimate
to repair the boys' club.
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- Oh.
- And here's the bill to fumigate.
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Oh, this one should be a little better.
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I mean, how much can it cost
to kill a couple of buuuaa...
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Kill a couple of buaaaaaa...
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- Rudy, it's gonna be all right.
- No, it's not, man.
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It's gonna take us years
to raise this kind of money.
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Well, we don't have years.
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If the money's not in
place by midnight tomorrow,
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the city's going to condemn the
building and auction off the property.
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Oh, problem solved. Thank you, city.
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Rudy!
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I'm sure it's going to work out for 'em.
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There's thousands of places
for them to go after school.
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Sorry, guys, there's absolutely no
place for them to go after school.
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You don't bring delinquents into your home.
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- You can't trust 'em.
- Well...
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Shoo! Shoo!
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Rudy, Rudy, you can't do that, man.
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You're right. They might
try to steal the broom.
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Rudy, I think you're overreacting.
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No, I am not.
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I remember the delinquent from my school.
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Don't ask me how, but he was
always running around the school
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blowing up toilets. You couldn't trust him.
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Oh, yeah, and you think
these kids are like him?
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(Toilet explodes)
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Yes. Yes, I do.
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We've got to get these kids out of here.
They're going to destroy this place.
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If we don't raise the
money to fix their club,
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they're going to be here all the time.
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How are we going to raise $13,000?
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What are we going to do?
We gonna do a bake sale?
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A carwash? Telethon?
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Ooh, actually, a telethon could work.
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We could air it on public-access TV.
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I can't think with all your yapping!
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I could get rock star Izzy Gunnar and
some of his famous friends to perform.
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Aw, that would get people to donate!
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And then we'll get all the money we need!
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I've got it! We're having a telethon.
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(Explosion)
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Let's work fast, everybody.
We're down to one stall!
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Go!
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No matter how much I chop and punch
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it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you!
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(Pins dropping)
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I wish Rudy didn't make
us watch these kids.
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They've been messing with me all day.
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Ah.
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Look at this.
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Maybe it wasn't them.
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Hey, Phil, have you been
putting worms in your hot dogs?
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Of course not.
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You know how expensive worms are?
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Okay, maybe it was them.
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Look, bro, the only reason
why they're messing with you
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is because you expect
the worst out of them.
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And that's what they're going to give you.
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See, whereas I treat them
with respect and kindness...
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Here's your ball, sir.
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And that's what I get back.
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Thanks, little buddy.
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Hey, why do you have quick-dry cement?
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Ahhh!
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- No reason.
- (Both laugh)
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Mc: Ladies and gentlemen,
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welcome to the Seaford
club for boys telethon!
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And here's your host, Rudy Gillespie!
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Thank you! Thank you very much.
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Tonight we're here for a good cause...
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To help some troubled boys.
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Can we bring the lights
down just a little bit?
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Up a little bit?
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Every year, millions of troubled boys
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lose their clubs to
termite-infested furniture.
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Don't look that up. It's super true.
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But tonight, me, Izzy Gunnar and
a few of his celebrity friends
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are going to raise $13,000
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to save the Seaford club for boys.
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And how are we going to do it?
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(Piano playing)
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A little song, a little dance
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A little seltzer down my pants...
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- (Bottle hissing)
- Hoo, that's cold.
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Tell your friends, tell your family
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Telephone us now,
give us your money...
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(Phone rings)
186
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Ooh, I wonder who this could be.
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$100 donation?!
188
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Thanks, real person.
189
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Tell everyone that it's finally on!
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It's time for the
Seaford club for boys
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Full of delinquent kids who
have a termite infestation
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Telethon!
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With me, Rudy!
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(Tepid applause)
195
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,457
All right, let's see how much
my opening number brought in.
196
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What do we got, Phil?
197
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,529
Your friends did not
call or your family
198
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No one telephoned, we got no money.
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Phil!
200
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All right, and now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
201
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:12,477
Please welcome my celebrity friends!
202
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(Drum roll)
203
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,781
My celebrity friends!
204
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,316
(Drum roll)
205
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,387
- Celebrity friends!
- (Drum roll)
206
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:29,828
Izzy called. He and all his friends
are stuck in the airport in Chicago.
207
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,597
They're not coming.
208
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,669
Tell your friends, tell your family
209
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,905
Telephone us now,
give us your money!
210
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,440
(Crying)
211
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,709
We're in so much trouble.
212
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:53,518
We have 50 minutes to raise $13,000
213
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,353
and we've got no acts.
214
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,921
You do realize this means the delinquents
215
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,824
will be at my dojo every
day. What are we going to do?
216
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,427
We're going to rally
together and get through this.
217
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,529
We don't need celebrities.
We've got tons of talent
218
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,264
right here in our own backyard.
219
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,900
(Piano playing)
220
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,535
What?
221
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:14,739
This song goes out to a
special guy named Gary.
222
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:19,911
So if you're a special guy named Gary,
give me a call. I'd love to meet you.
223
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,749
You don't even have to be
special or even named Gary.
224
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,452
Any man with a phone will do.
225
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:35,193
Wow, Johnny, that's some
really nice tinkling, huh?
226
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,930
Now let's give the people
what they paid for, huh?
227
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,407
(Stops playing momentarily)
228
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,822
(Laughs)
229
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,423
Ooh.
230
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,492
Oh.
231
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,716
Isn't she something?!
232
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,385
- That is Joan Malone!
- (Piano stops)
233
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,788
(Scattered applause)
234
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:40,925
All right, let's check our big tote board.
235
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,761
We had 15 before that last act,
236
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,897
and now we have...
237
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,432
$8?!
238
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,435
How did we lose $7?
239
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,571
A guy named Gary called.
He wanted his money back.
240
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Kickin' it with you!
241
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,043
- Hup!
- Ha!
242
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:00,345
- Hup!
- Yah!
243
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,094
- Hup!
- Ha!
244
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:04,112
All right, guys. Great
job. Keep up the work.
245
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,419
Uh, dude, why do you
have two bowling balls?
246
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,855
Oh, I glued this one to the my
other hand to balance me out.
247
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,692
You know, without it, I
just kept walking in circles.
248
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:18,463
Yo, you're actually doing
karate with these monsters?
249
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,798
Dude, they're not monsters.
250
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,633
I saw something in them
that you didn't see.
251
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:24,469
If you channel their energy
in a constructive way,
252
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,504
they're too preoccupied
to get into trouble.
253
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,773
They're actually really great kids.
254
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,610
Sorry about the bowling ball.
255
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,679
If we just found a way
to channel our energy
256
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,383
in a constructive way, we'd be too
preoccupied to get into trouble.
257
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,652
Yeah, we're actually great kids.
258
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:46,558
Hey, guys, let's hit this
rock wall you wanted to try.
259
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,594
So it's really simple. You just got
to pick a grip and climb your way up.
260
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,464
Okay.
261
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,248
(Grunts)
262
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,970
Now it gets a little trickier
once you get near the top
263
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,573
because...
Whoa!
264
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,942
That doesn't usually happen.
265
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,510
Whoa!
266
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,112
You guys loosened the grips, didn't you?
267
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,048
Both: Uh-huh.
268
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,551
- So that means that I'm gonna...
- Uh-huh.
269
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:14,452
Whoa!
270
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:19,217
Get back! Get back.
271
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,526
I'm never letting you
guys mess with me again.
272
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,595
Dude, hold that thought.
273
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:27,031
You've got a giant
mosquito on your forehead.
274
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,100
Wait, what? Where?
275
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:34,572
Did I get it?
276
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:44,415
We have 37 minutes and
we've only raised $16.
277
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,653
And that was from a guy who called
begging us to end the telethon.
278
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,521
We can still pull this together.
279
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,990
Sure we can, yeah.
280
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,659
Yeah, I don't know. Why
don't we just have Phil
281
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:59,564
stick his hand up some dumb doll and try
to pass himself off as a ventriloquist?
282
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,733
Oh, hello, Herbert.
283
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:07,538
Why don't you tell these nice
people something about yourself?
284
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,140
No!
285
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:12,443
Come on, Herbert. You
promised to be nice today.
286
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:16,681
And you promised to stop dancing
in front of me in your underpants.
287
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,952
Hey, Herbert, come on,
man. That was only one time.
288
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,754
One time was all it took.
289
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:28,059
Now every time I close my eyes, I see
it all over again. Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
290
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,494
Okay, stop it.
291
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:30,662
No, you stop it.
292
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,563
Now you better
stop... ow! He bit me.
293
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,465
There's more where that came from!
294
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,468
Ahh! Oh no!
295
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,204
No no no!
296
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,544
(Laughing) Dummies.
297
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,647
Run into the dojo, have
Jack put on a show gi.
298
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,083
He can come over here, do one
of those karate demos to music.
299
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,551
People love that stuff.
300
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,587
Or I could put on my star-spangled outfit
301
00:15:56,589 --> 00:16:00,058
and do a high-spirited, patriotic tap
routine that will bring down the house.
302
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,560
Ah, I didn't think of that.
303
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,595
Go get Jack!
304
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:14,238
And now another hilarious
joke from these popsicles.
305
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,942
(Panting)
306
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:24,983
"Wh-wh-wh-wh... What do you
call two wh-wh-wh-wh...
307
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:27,952
Witches who live together?"
308
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:31,956
I guess I'll just eat it
to get to the punch line.
309
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:43,201
Ha.
"Broom-m-m-m-m..."
310
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,837
Sorry, folks. Another brain freeze.
311
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,907
(Blowing)
312
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:54,512
Uh, "broommates!"
313
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,583
Nothin'?
314
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,752
Really?
315
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,988
Rudy, I brought Jack.
316
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,056
Great, where is he?
317
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,694
What happened?
318
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,262
Walt and Jesse are what happened.
319
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,997
They've been terrorizing us all day.
320
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:16,968
Rudy, there's only one thing we can do.
321
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,704
(Velcro ripping)
322
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,539
Tap!
323
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,242
(Drumbeat)
324
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:28,946
("Yankee doodle dandy" playing)
325
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:32,250
(Feet tapping)
326
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:40,158
I don't believe it. We're making money!
327
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,841
(Music stops)
328
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,844
What is wrong with you two?
329
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,913
We're trying to save your club.
330
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,415
No, you're not. We heard
what you said in the dojo.
331
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,250
The only reason why you're
trying to save the club
332
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,052
is to get rid of us delinquents.
333
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,588
Yeah, you don't even care about us.
334
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,591
(Gasps) How dare you?
335
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,694
I farted in a jar for you!
336
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,597
Yeah, and we gave you furniture.
337
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,599
Cheap furniture full of termites.
338
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:25,937
Well, we needed the
extra money for the boat.
339
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,305
We thought you were different.
340
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:32,310
I mean, you're a sensei.
You care about these guys.
341
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,112
We thought you'd care about us too.
342
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,082
But you're just like everybody else.
343
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:51,329
Hey, everyone, can I have your attention?
344
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,131
(Piano playing)
345
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,266
The whole reason we're
holding this telethon
346
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:58,202
is to save the Seaford club for boys.
347
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,338
And two of those boys are with us tonight.
348
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,773
Are they bad kids?
349
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,942
Oh, yeah, they're bad.
350
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:08,146
- The worst! These kids are like...
- Rudy.
351
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,849
But it doesn't matter.
352
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,751
We made a commitment.
353
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,853
And when you set out to do
something good for someone,
354
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,468
you do it, you follow through.
355
00:19:17,499 --> 00:19:21,392
And you don't buy yourself a
really nice boat just to get ladies.
356
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:25,029
And that's why anyone
who donates $10 right now
357
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:28,099
will be entered in a
raffle to win this boat.
358
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,735
It floats in water!
359
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:33,171
(Phones ringing)
360
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,775
Hello?
361
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:41,012
Oh, that's great news,
ma'am. Thank you so much.
362
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,815
Just one second, I'm
going to put you on hold.
363
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,853
I think she hung up.
364
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:54,425
Kickin' it with you.
365
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:57,228
(Video games beeping) All the new stuff
they gave us is really cool.
366
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,697
But do you think they'll
ever let us use it?
367
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,433
Oh, I love this place.
Do we ever have to leave?
368
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,402
I don't see why.
369
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,704
If I knew how awesome
this place was going to be,
370
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,873
I totally would have been a delinquent.
371
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,008
In fact, I'm going to start right now.
372
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:16,013
Ooh ah! Check it out, people.
373
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,115
No coaster! Ha!
374
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:30,027
Oh, who am I kidding?! I
don't want to leave a ring!
375
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,931
Hey, guys, thanks for everything you did.
376
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,167
This is really great.
377
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:37,368
We talked about it.
378
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,037
This isn't just a
once-a-year thing.
379
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,373
You guys are welcome at the dojo anytime.
380
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,408
We're sorry we caused so much trouble.
381
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,444
Well, we kind of deserved it.
382
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,212
But we're all even, right?
383
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:52,216
(Toilet explodes)
384
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:55,319
Ha ha! Now we're even!
385
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:06,430
I'm really glad you called
after seeing me on the telethon.
386
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,400
You are cute as a button.
387
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,235
(Laughing)
388
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:13,537
And you are as cute as a kitten.
389
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,473
Oh! (Purrs)
390
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,241
Meow!
391
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:20,378
- (Purring)
- (Meowing)
392
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,947
Okay, I'm starting to
feel really uncomfortable.
393
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,482
I don't want to do this anymore.
394
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:28,185
Listen, you better get back down there now.
395
00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:29,387
Do what he says!
396
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,392
Now where were we?
397
00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:40,931
(Theme music playing)
398
00:22:00,552 --> 00:22:02,620
(Dog growls, barks)
399
00:22:02,670 --> 00:22:07,220
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